害怕一个人

不知从何起，我很害怕一个人和不懂事的小孩在家。这种莫名的恐惧在我心里一直盘绕着，经常让我感到忧郁。自己身体一直不好，很害怕当自己支持不住倒下时，小孩会怎样。

God Heard That

Deuteronomy 8:17-18
17 Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ 18 You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth, that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day.

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I looked at the sky and made a prayer unto God that last Sunday morning. I asked Him that I have been prayed to Him all those times and God confirmed His words. He said He heard my prayer. I was still in doubt although my heart did say "yes, He is" -- the same things to me. I just want to be convinced again and again that He was there all the times no matter how bad the time was.

I want Him to be with me when time are happy or sad. He is the only one that can share happiness and sadness (things that sometimes even the closest one also couldn't share it).

选择

正在犹豫着到底“缝韧”--这门生意适不适合我？还是回去打工，向人分一份粮就算了? 那，如果回去打工，我又能找到怎样的工作呢？

我念是电脑科技系，而且已有三年没有碰它了，可以说是完全与它脱节了。我还要选择它吗？其它的工作我也没有经验，不就等于是从头学起吗？

徘徊在十字路口的感觉真渺茫，不知何去何从。虽然心里面认定是“它”了——“家庭生意”。但却因家人——特别是老公的不反对也不支持的态度，显得让我没有多大的信心和坚持。有时还真怀疑他对婚姻的真诚有多少。

目标

在我重新找回目标和理想后，想要自己开始一些家庭生意，却又一连串的冷水泼过来。只因之前辛苦考取的大学文凭就要变成废纸，而且“家庭生意”在家人的眼中是一门耗时又不赚钱的亏本生意。但是这是我的理想，我不想未作任何尝试就放弃。

于是，我决定在布落格和ebay 中作尝试。

原点

原本希望生宝宝再哺乳两年后重新回到工作岗位的我，一直面临身体的不适（产后缺调养），心情也跌落谷底，人也变得懒散、沉默、忧郁、不积极。。而且也一直依靠药物来解除身体的不适。